How To Survive A Home Remodel (While Living In The Mess)

Leah: Adopt an "It's Okay" attitude.  "Turtle living in the basement?  Can hear a herd of mice running around in the kitchen ceiling?"  "It's okay!"  "Water from the upstairs bathroom is pouring through the pendant lights in the kitchen?"  "It's okay!"  "It's a 5-foot jump into dirt out the front door?"  "It's okay!"    "I spent my whole morning hurrying around to clean the house before I left, and when I came home this evening, the teeny-tiny piece of drywall you cut out left a thin coating of white dust on EVERYTHING?!?"  "It's okay!"

Nathan: Don't let your wife overwhelm you.  She will talk through ten projects in two minutes.  Those ten projects will take thirty days to finish.  Start to tune her out when she talks about the house.  Only take note of her ideas if she repeats them everyday.  That means she actually wants them.

Leah: Offer your husband a helping hand with his projects.  Watch him cut the 9-foot opening for the triple window in the kitchen.  Help him out when the header (a heavy, 9-foot beam) for the window needs to be installed.  As you hold the heavy beam up, be sure not to mention that you can't hold it much longer.  Instead, scream as your arms give out and drop the beam on his head.

Leah: Take advantage of  your sister-in-law's offer to help out on the house.  Unload heavy items you purchased together into the old garage on the property.  Let her shut the old, manual, single-panel garage door.  Watch and laugh as she somehow shuts herself into the garage.  Pull really hard on the garage door, the only exit, trying to open it up.  Go get other sister-in-law to help open the garage door.  When that doesn't work, call uncle to help.  Call other relatives to come look at her through the stationary windows as she is locked in the garage.  Take lots of pictures in 100 degree weather until her uncle can get her out of the garage.

Nathan: We didn't have a working shower for a month when we moved into our house.  We had to go to our relative's houses to take showers.  During that time I made a scientific discovery.  Well, it's more like a formula: angriness = dirtiness^3 + C where C is a constant = how much time Leah had to spend at the house on that day. What it boils down to is this: "Clean wife, happy life."

Nathan:  Listen to your wife when she finds a cute puppy online and tells you that it would be a great idea to get a puppy.  Everyone knows the best time to get a new pet, especially a 7-week-old puppy, is two days after you move into a house without a bathroom, running water and basic kitchen appliances.

Leah: DO NOT think through what it means when your husband tells you the bathroom might not be finished when you move in the house.  DO NOT be shocked when you realize that since the new toilet is not working yet, you will need to use a bucket.  DO NOT check the bucket you choose for cracks or holes.  DO NOT be surprised the next morning when you wake up in your new home, walk into the bathroom and wipe out on your shiny marble tile because your bucket leaked all night.